Give the Boy a Keyboard

We were called to school a couple weeks ago to discuss Fast Boy’s behavior. It’s certainly a lot better than it has been in the past, but his teacher is getting frustrated. She said that every time she thinks she finds a reward that works for him, it works for about a week and then he loses interest. Well, welcome to my world! It’s been like that for years. Why do you think I’m so frustrated?

So we continue to chat about what works and what doesn’t. I brought up a time where I had him write down an explanation of his bad behavior, kindof as a consequence for that behavior. I had good results. Making him concentrate on the problem by having to write about it seems to have made him realize more about what he did. Then his EC teacher chimes in and says “I do that with him”. I’m thinking, “Great! He already hates writing and we’re using it as a punishment.” Seems to me that would make him hate writing even more.

But then something really eye-opening happened. I asked to see samples of the writing he has done for her with the explanations for his behavior. What was presented was typed paragraphs. My husband and I noticed the same thing immediately. Unlike the messy, mispelled, incomplete thoughts we see in his handwriting homework, these paragraphs held full complete sentences, grammatically correct without the spelling errors.

So, Fast Boy really can write! He just has trouble writing his thoughts with a pencil. He apparently gets so hung up on the handwriting skill that he loses the ability to put the thoughts together. That would certainly be the conclusion that makes sense.

The school has since given him an “AlphaSmart” to use in the classroom when he needs to write essay style answers. I haven’t gotten a progress update yet, but I’m very interested in seeing the results.

Masters of Manipulation

I haven’t posted in quite some time, I know. Does that mean things have been quiet? Unfortunately, no. However, things have gotten better in the past year. Nobody is getting hit in the face with sticks and so far there have been no in-school suspensions. (Knock on wood.)

One of the largest problems that I have faced in the past year is that my children have become masters of manipulation. They know I’m tired and they know if they push me far enough, I will back down. Even on my strong days, both Fast Boy and Princess have me throwing my hands up in the air and wanting to give up.

I read the following article and thought it sounded JUST like what it going on in my house. Thought I’d share:

Masters of Manipulation: How Kids Control You With Behavior

I love how it says “You can be sure your child knows what it takes to make you back down.” That is SO true! My children definitely do. Princess throws temper tantrums, but at least she backs down without hurting someone or something. Fast Boy will keep going until he has physically damaged something the we can’t afford to fix or replace. He certainly knows our weak spots. He’s had lots of practice figuring it out. But, how much damage do you let them do while you are ignoring the manipulative behavior?

Academically and Intellectually Gifted

Fast Boy has an IEP and was previously placed in the “Exceptional Child Program” for behavioral and emotionally disabled children.  We get feedback regarding his behavior on a pretty consistent basis.  We see reports on what goals have been set for him and what he needs to improve on.  So,  I’m sorry that I was completely confused by the “Nurtured Student Letter” that came home from school earlier this week.

I thought it was just another politically correct way of requesting that my son get some more individual attention to help him with his school work.  Well, I was right… but not in the way that I thought.  Fast Boy has been recommended by his teacher and invited into the “Academically and Intellectually Gifted Program” (AIG) at school.  Apparently he is demonstrating mastery of his grade level curriculum, at least in reading. 

I’ve always known that ADHD children can be very intelligent (which is what helps him find so much trouble) and that they can become hyper-focused on things they enjoy, but this just stunned me.  When the AIG specialist told me that he was interpreting Carl Sandburg poems, I didn’t know how to respond.  You just never know what will interest him. 

More discussion has to be done before we decide to put him in the program.  The AIG classes take place one hour a week outside of the regular classroom.  Fast Boy is already out of the classroom twice a week for the EC program.  He doesn’t like being removed from his normal class.  He is used to that being associated with some disciplinary action.  I guess we’ll just have to talk it over and see what he thinks.

I have a call in to the EC program Coordinator to get her opinion as well.  I’d like to see him excel and take advantage of the AIG program, but I need to make sure that everything jives together and that Fast Boy’s other special needs are met.   For example, if Fast Boy is loving the reading, but is going to lose control because he is asked to write about what he read, can special accommodations be made so that he can type instead?  (Handwriting is a frustration point for him that would make him give up.)  I want to know that someone is there looking out for him.

I’m so pleased!  I hope this works out. 

School and ADHD Medication Update

School has been in session for a while now and the Concerta that we put Fast Boy on is obviously helping.  Between those two things, I haven’t felt the need to post here as often.  (Thank goodness!) 

Fast Boy’s behavior at school has definitely improved.  It’s still a far cry from what I or his teachers would consider “normal” eight year old behavior, but I have to be grateful for any positive changes.  His reports from school have gone from many “reds” down to a few “yellows” and mostly “greens”.  So far this year, there has been some pushing and biting, but no hitting people across the face with sticks or sending them to the doctor for potential broken noses.  There has been some speaking out of turn in class and some running in the hallways, but no flat-out disobedience or rages in the classroom.   Gee… While I’m typing this, it almost does sound like normal eight year old boy behavior. 

My concerns about medication side effects are still there though.  He appears to be sleeping okay for now, but it is obvious that his appetite and weight have decreased.  I haven’t noticed any other changes. 

I guess all is okay.

The ADHD Medication Debate

I don’t need a formal ADHD medication debate.  The debate exists enough right here in my own head.  My son went to school today on Concerta.  I hate it!  I absolutely hate it!

When Fast Boy was three years old, I asked the doctor to prescribe something for him.  Either he was going on medication… or I was.  The doctor argued, but I insisted.  (Things have changed since then.)  After the worst rages I’ve ever seen from a child that size, he was taken off of Adderral two weeks later.  No one should be afraid of their three year old.

It was a good two years later that we tried again.  He was in Kindergarten and disrupting the entire class.  We started him on Ritalin.   It helped.  Some.   Eventually we switched to Concerta with a Ritalin “chaser” to try and keep him calm after the school bus dropped him off in the afternoon. 

Sometime last year, we decided to decrease his meds and gradually take him off.  There are so many reasons why.  He wasn’t growing like we thought he should.  He wasn’t eating like we thought he should.  He had a hard time sleeping at night.  He was still getting into trouble any way.  At one point he actually told me that he had “people dancing in his head”.   (They danced “quieter” when his medication was decreased.)  The co-payments were more than we could afford.  The trips back and forth to the doctor’s office every month to pick up the script for his “controlled substance” were getting old at a fast pace.  Add to that my own personal issues, side effects and withdrawal problems from my former anti-depressant days and I just didn’t think the medication was worth it.  We were also having some success with chiropractic treatment (more on that in another post) and I was feeling confident we could do this on our own.   

On the last day of school last June, we took Fast Boy completely off his medication.   You’ve read how well that turned out.  Okay, honestly, you’ve read the bad parts of how that turned out.  What I haven’t told you yet is that I actually got to see MY son this summer.  The good, the bad and the ugly maybe, but the good was there.  He was more affectionate that he has been in years.  I missed that little boy despite all the bad behavior that came with him.

Two days into school… Two… the notes started coming home.  The services we got “help” from over the summer didn’t give us the skills we had hoped for in coping with Fast Boy’s issues.  They certainly weren’t going to help the school.  

I felt like I had no choice.   No matter how much we want him off medication, none of us can function without it.  At least not with some help from something else.  So, $55 out of pocket and a few pills later, Fast Boy is back on Concerta.  I am hopeful that the new therapist I found will be able to help with some behavior modification and we can take him off the drugs again soon.  Our first appointment is this week.  Maybe I have only lost this battle.  Maybe I can still win the war.